Promises We've Broken
by Dean Ocean
Summary: Remus makes a joke that goes horribly wrong. When Sirius's temper flies out of control it makes Remus re-evaluate the story of his past he thought he understood. Takes place some time during the 5th Book.


**"Promises We've Broken"**

Sirius yawned, stretching his arms over his head. He glanced to his side when he felt the person next to him stir. Remus was still peacefully asleep, his face holding a gentle smile as if his dreams were pleasant. Sirius rolled to one side, studying the face of his lover. Years had slipped between them, and both men showed the lines of time on their face. Sirius's mouth formed a casual smile and he leaned forward pressing his lips against Remus's face. The man stirred, a soft groan escaped from a sleepy throat and Sirius scooted in closer to steal some of the warmth of the noise.

Remus's eyes open, and slowly he looked at Sirius. His face parted with a gentle smile. "Good morning." A sleepy voice said.

Sirius pressed his face against Remus's shoulder and took a long deep breath, taking a moment to smell the other. Remus was an interesting combination of sweat, sex and some sort of remaining cologne that lingered from the night before. Sirius let his hand run over Remus's face, sliding over his features and carefully touching his soft lips. "You look good enough to eat." Sirius said.

"I have morning breath." Remus responded, slipping his own hand over his mouth to keep the stale scent of his breath from escaping.

Sirius's fingers pried away the palm of Remus's hand; his mouth came to kiss him. He inched his body ever closer, and used the strength in his arms to slide himself over the other man, so his weight was pressed against Remus's body.

"No, you don't." Sirius mumbled pressing his mouth down on Remus's collarbone and leaving a trail of sloppy kisses up his neck. "Make love with me." He purred into the other man's ear, sliding his tongue along the lobe and nipping at it carefully.

Remus groaned, half out of annoyance and half out of pleasure. He pushed on Sirius's shoulders trying to get the intoxicating weight of the other man off him. "It's late, we have things to do today. Don't you have an house elf to demoralize?"

"He can wait." Sirius opened his mouth and closed it over Remus's shoulder, pulling gently on the skin to leave a faint mark.

"Yes, and I'm sure all that fine silver he's collecting in his room can wait as well." Remus smirked at his suggestion. He'd watched silently the war between the house elf and Sirius, each one struggling to get another piece of the Black Family legacy: Sirius to destroy it, and the house elf to preserve it.

"Let him have his trinkets." Sirius muttered sliding his weight down Remus's body. His mouth trailed down the man's chest, running between the nipples that his fingers caressed. Beneath him, Sirius felt Remus's body twitch, his spine curve upwards and offer its self to him.

Remus's hands found Sirius's long black hair, and slid back through it gently. He closed his eyes, letting his skin absorb the sensation of Sirius's mouth on him. He groaned, finding the noise vibrating deep in his chest. The afternoon had already approached and was starting to wax as time progressed, he had several things he had to accomplish the least of which was attend to mundane activities of his current employment. Remus had started working at a muggle grocer's, bagging food items. It was easier to obtain a job in the muggle world, as no one knew he was a werewolf, but he still could not find one of decent pay due to a lack of formal muggle education. If given time to think on his situation Remus may have found it ironic. But he just didn't have that sort of time.

Wickedly Remus smirked and opened his eyes to look down as Sirius worked his way lower and lower on his body. A gleam appeared in his eyes with the ear markings of mischief and he muttered out a groan. "Mmm Severus…" He couldn't help the snicker that followed, which faded quickly when he saw Sirius's face.

Sirius had stopped instantly what he was doing to look up at Remus. Something dark and dangerous had come into his eyes and the muscles on his back were tight and strained inside of the flesh. Remus swallowed hard, it had been some time since he'd seen that kind of hate in Sirius's eyes. It was boiling, seething and it clouded the black eyes in Sirius's head and worked it's way down to the sneer in his mouth and the fists that had formed out of his hands.

"Sirius it was a…" Remus didn't get a chance to finish, Sirius was already up and moving.

Sirius slid from between the sheets as easily as if they were water. His nude body stalked across the room to snatch a pair of trousers from the floor. He jerked them on one leg at a time, tearing the hem at the bottom of one leg when his foot caught on it. He secured them and snatched his long black robes from the floor as well: it wasn't terribly unusual for Sirius to slid his pants on over a nude body he wasn't fond of underwear. He fished his wand from a deep pocket in the side of his robes and left the black cloth on the floor as he headed for the door of the bedroom.

"Sirius, it was just a joke!" Remus called after him, scrambling from between the sheets with no amount of grace of poise. He rushed across the room to stand in the open doorway, but dared not go any further with out clothes. He called after Sirius as the dark haired man disappeared down the long staircase. "Sirius! It was a joke! I didn't mean anything by it! Sirius!"

Severus Snape did not have a lot of time to react, he jumped when heard the door fly open behind him but as he turned to face the incomer, he only saw Sirius Black looming in on him. He garbled out some strange mix of a yelp and Sirius's name as he was hauled to his feet by two strong hands. His cup of tea was spilled like a steaming wash over the table and left to drip over the edges. His weight was moved easily in Sirius's grasp and thrust against a near by wall, Severus hit his head and groaned.

"What is the matter with you, Black?" He barked as he was pushed on. No sooner were the words out of his mouth did he feel a callused hand push against his throat and stop the steady flow of air. He gagged.

"Did you sleep with him?" The voice was low, and slurred with the hissing growl that overlapped every syllable.

"Who?" Severus squawked, and choked shortly after as he felt Sirius's hand press harder on his throat. "I can't - I can't - I can't breathe! Sirius!" His hands moved to pull on Sirius's wrist trying to drag his hand away from his throat. It was when Severus caught the first look deep in Sirius's eyes, they had always been a deep shade of black, but something darker was in them now, and Severus felt panic and fear for his life crawl up his spine like a poisonous spider.

"Did you sleep with him?" Sirius asked again, emphasizing each word as if it were its own sentence. His mouth held a permanent sneer, twisted and angry.

Severus choked a few more times, gasping for air and digging his nails into Sirius's flesh till the skin broke and the escapee bled. But Sirius didn't seem inclined to give in, he seemed content to ignore the way his flesh bed and kept his eyes steadily on Severus. Severus felt as if the black eyes Sirius had were going to bore a hole through his skull with the heat they gave off. Eventually gave up trying to form words and violently shook his head in his protest. He hadn't slept with any one in a very long time, he couldn't imagine what Sirius was going on about, and thoughts on the matter became more difficult as he was deprived of oxygen.

"Sirius!" Remus shouted as he rushed into the kitchen, fully dressed. His hair was still a mess and it was unruly atop his head spilling in all directions but the same one.

Sirius looked at Remus as he entered a moment that gave Severus the chance to escape. He took it. He pushed hard on Sirius's arm till it gave and let oxygen flood back into his throat. Severus scrambled to one side out of Sirius's grasp, rubbing his hands over his throat trying to massage it back to working order. He coughed several times as the air was suddenly given free reign to fill his lungs.

Sirius turned to look at his escaped prey. He growled and in his left hand was revealed the wand; he pulled it out and held it out towards Severus, pointing the dangerous end directly at the man's chest.

"Did you sleep with him?" He asked again, this time with an eerie calm that suggested Sirius had come to terms with whatever he intended to do next.

"No! I haven't slept with him! I don't even know who he is!" Severus protested. He reached into the pockets of his robes and found his wand missing. With a terrible sense of dread he spotted the smooth, worn wood laying innocently on the table, next to where Severus's had been sitting moments before.

"I don't believe you!" Sirius shouted.

Remus came into the room and set a hand on Sirius's arm, only to have it shrugged off instantly. "Sirius, it was a joke. A bad joke, but a joke. Just put the wand down, let's go back upstairs-"

"No! I want him to answer me!" Sirius barked at Remus and turned back to Severus, who was still as far from Sirius as he could get with out having to come closer, there was no escape from the cramped kitchen except past the angry wizard.

"I didn't sleep with him!" Severus pleaded again, glancing at Remus. Remus's face was white, and more so than usual. Severus was not reassured.

"You're a bloody liar! I saw you!" Sirius shouted waving his wand around like some wild man. The end sparked and fizzled with the energy it drew from Sirius's rage. This made Severus push his back a little further against the far wall.

"What?" This time it was Remus who shouted, surprise crossing his every feature.

"I saw you! In the hallway!" Sirius screamed again. "No quit lying to me, Sniveling Severus! Tell me the truth!"

"Oh god…" It was barely audible after Sirius's screams. But the expression on Remus's face was an unpleasant one. He looked from Sirius to Severus, who looked back and a knowing spread over both faces equally, shared in part with dread. Remus came to Sirius's side, keeping his eyes on Severus who was frozen on the far side of the wall, with his eyes glued to Remus. "Sirius, that was a very long time ago. Please, put the wand down, let's go back up stairs we can discuss this like adults…"

Sirius growled, looking at Remus his voice was heavy and weighted with the rage of a decade or more. "Shut up, Remus."

Severus swallowed and inched towards the door. He wanted desperately out of the room with the explosive Black, whom he'd believe to be untrustworthy from the beginning. When he moved it seemed Sirius had a sixth sense and pinned him once again with dark eyes. Severus held up both hands in surrender. "I didn't sleep with him, Sirius. I swear."

"You too! Shut up! And stay where you are!" Sirius ordered. His temper had hold of him, and his shoulder heaved with heavy breathing. His mind raced and his skin felt cold and unfamiliar to him.

Molly Weasely could hear shouting coming from the kitchen, more precisely her kitchen. When she burst through the open door way her hands were on her hips, she was a woman on a mission.

"I demand to know just what is going on here!" She snapped. It was than she noticed Sirius with his wand pointed at Severus. "Sirius, just what the devil do you think you're doing?"

Molly had Sirius's attention for the moment, and Severus, thankful for the break, moved towards the door hurriedly.

"Molly, thank goodness you're here he's gone mad!" Severus said as he rushed towards his wound-be rescuer.

Sirius whirled back upon Severus his face once more twisted and snarling with rage. "I told you to stay where you were!" He bellowed raising his wand.

"Sirius, No!" Remus screamed and moved forward.

"Crucio!" Sirius spat the forbidden word with force as he pointed the wand at Severus, the anger and resentment that had spent years building and months culminating finally spilling out of him. Sirius had long since hated Severus, the two were not as different as either liked to pretend. In fact, Sirius saw in Severus the very things in himself he found despicable and inside of that Sirius had always known it could have very easily been the same path Severus had followed he himself could have taken.

Remus felt the tip of the wand through the robes he wore. He felt the way it pressed into the center of his chest. And he felt when the curse spewed forth and caught him point blank. His whole body seized, and he felt the searing pain begin in the center of his body and spiral outwards like ripples on a pond. He felt the way it twisted every muscle and pinched every nerve. His breath came out once and could not be drawn back in, a pathetic puff that should have had a scream but his lungs seemed to have frozen with the same agony as the rest of him. His brain clouded and his head felt heavy and his body trembled and quivered as wave after wave of pain poured molten hot lava in his veins. Distantly he heard a woman screaming. But all he could see was Sirius's face, close to his, and deathly pale. The anger and everything else that had twisted the handsome man was gone, replaced by something heavy. Sirius stared, his mouth open and his eyes wide, horror stricken and paralyzed by his own violated sense of wrong. Tears burned on top of the twisted nerves in Remus's eyes and fell freely down his face as he collapsed on the floor, his body seizing and trembling violently. He was finally able to make a sound and it was the loud, screaming call of complete agony.

_  
"I know you're like me." He said with his hands on his hips._

"I'm not…" Remus protested staring up at the tall, lanky figure of Severus Snape. Remus's friends were notorious for torturing the greasy haired boy, Remus didn't want to be caught talking to him.

"Yes, you are. I saw you…I mean I know, okay? It's okay. I am too." Severus shrugged both bony shoulders and glanced down the hall as if perhaps the abandoned corridor would offer further comfort.

"How could you tell?" Remus sighed. It was getting harder to justify it. He was gay, he'd suspected it most of his life, and only recently come to understand it. He hadn't told any one, and felt strange having to confront the issue with a man he'd watched be publicly humiliated a hundred or more times.

"I don't know. I just know, you know? I mean I just… I guess I just knew." Severus shrugged again, he wasn't really sure what to say.

Severus seemed different to Remus up close. He'd never participated in the games James and Sirius would align against him, but he'd never stopped them either. He felt guilty for not having come forward to defend Severus before, he was strange but he didn't seem all that bad. And Remus was grateful to finally have someone he could speak to on a very important matter.

"No one knows. I haven't told any one. Does any one know about you?" Remus leaned against the high arching stonewalls of the hallway.

"A few. Just people I trust. I can't just come out and say it to every one, some people aren't okay with it. Don't tell your friends okay?" Severus suddenly seemed worried, his fingers wrung against one another, pale and scrawny, much like the rest of him.

"I won't. I'm afraid to tell them about me. I've heard the way Sirius talks…he'd hate me." Remus glanced at the ground and felt a heavy weight press on his chest. The last thing he wanted in the world was for Sirius Black to call him a faggot.

"He's too stupid to figure it out, and besides who cares if he hates you? He's not really worth knowing anyway." Severus didn't bother trying to cover his animosity towards the bold Black, Sirius returned the favor more than once in a public setting.  
_  
"I care." Remus whispered, nudging a small piece of rock that had been tracked in on someone's shoes._

Severus regarded Remus for a moment, with his head cocked to one side and then he blinked. "Oh." He said simply, understanding the other boy's dilemma. "I didn't realize you…"

"I'm not. We're not. I mean…it's complicated. I don't think he even knows I'm alive." Remus sighed again and looked at the strange new friend he'd found.

"Sure he does, I mean he hangs out with you all the time." Severus had always secretly coveted the relationship the four Gryffindor boys seemed to share. He longed for that kind of trusting friendship.

"He hangs out with James, I think Peter and I are sort of…superfluous to the events."

"Oh." Severus said again because he had nothing else to say. He leaned on the wall next to Remus and stared at the floor with him, watching as Remus's shoe played with the tiny pebble on the floor. On an impulse Severus turned and kissed Remus, his mouth over the other mans. He jerked back when something down the hall made a strange, pained howling sound. His eyes flew down the corridor but found nothing but emptiness waiting for their glance. "Sorry, he muttered. I just…Well thought I would try." He was red in the face and his hands slid back through his slicked back hair.

Remus was still. He wasn't sure what to do or what to say. He'd heard the noise and thought he might have recognized it. He shook his head, clearing it of everything but Severus's apology. "It's okay. I'm not angry. Just it was unexpected and all… I haven't really kissed anyone."

"Oh." Severus was beginning to feel like an idiot.

"I should probably go." Remus offered and hurried down the hall before Severus had time to say something else.

"Oh." Was all Severus uttered after the departing figure.  


Remus could breathe again. His breath came deep, but shaky. He was lying on his back on the cool tile of the kitchen. His eyes had been closed for some time and he opened them he saw Sirius's worried face above him. He blinked several times, thinking perhaps he was deluding himself as to what he was witnessing. There were tears, bright, wet tears in Sirius's eyes, and they were sliding down his face silently as he stared at Remus. Remus smiled gently up at him. His whole body ached, the searing pain had vanished, disappeared and all that was left was the dull reminder of what had been done to him. He couldn't move, every muscle ached and throbbed inside of him, it would be some time before he could stand again. But seeing Sirius's face, so close to his was comforting. He could feel, though it was distant and surreal, the touch of Sirius's callused palm holding his. He even felt wet lips press to his cheek shortly after the smile, and could feel wet tears drip from Sirius's face to his own.

"That's why you were hiding in the common room that day." He said softly, his voice was hoarse and his throat felt raw. He wasn't sure how long he'd screamed. "The day I first kissed you…it wasn't because of James and Lily…it was me. You saw him kiss me."

"I'm so sorry." Sirius whispered, it was the only thing he could think to say.

Around both of them was a flurry of activity; Molly was barking orders to Severus who was coming in and out of the kitchen like a humming bird who couldn't make up his mind. There was a lot that had to be done to keep out side forces from discovering what had been done in the kitchen, and to care for Remus. Remus was aware his head was on a pillow and his body was coated by a warm blanket that had the ear markings of Molly's stitching all over it.

Molly came into Remus's view and he glanced towards her, moving only his eyes.

"Spot of tea, help get your strength back, Deary." She said offering a still steaming cup of tea towards him. "Can you sit up?"

Remus tried, but only succeeded in making matters worse and shook his head lightly after a grunted attempt.

"I'll help you." Sirius volunteered. The dark haired man moved softly, deftly and used his inherent grace and skill to pull Remus up right and cradle him gently against his body. Remus's back pressed against Sirius's chest and he was secure between the man's legs. Strong arms were around his chest.

Several times during the process Remus groaned, feeling his body hiss in protest to the movement. His muscles were soar and even though he had not had to work to be put up right he still felt the strain on every fiber. Sirius had paused whenever he made a noise and panic seemed to hold the man paralyzed until Remus would send some sort of signal he was okay. Once resting, Remus marveled at how nice it felt to be wrapped in Sirius's arms.

Sirius held the cup of tea for Remus and held it to his lips to let him sip. It was hot, and it stung his tongue, but he drank several swallows before needing to lean his head back against Sirius's body and rest.

"You rest up, deary." Molly said with force cheerfulness, patting one of Remus's limp legs. "Soon as your able we'll put you in a proper bed."

"I like it right here." Remus said groggily. He felt exhausted, his body was craving sleep and his eyes were heavy.

Molly glanced at Sirius, who stared back at her with dark, pleading eyes. "I'll go with you. I'll go anywhere you want, Moony. I'll stay with you." He promises softly, running one hand through the man's wild brown and gray hair, and kissing his temple.

Remus closed his eyes when he felt the kiss, soaking up the feel of it to help chase away the dreadful ache in his head. "You've always loved me haven't you, Sirius? Even that day I kissed you."

For one paralyzing moment Sirius was quiet. Molly was watching both of them intently, and Sirius met her eyes when he finally spoke. "Yes, Moony. I've always loved you. I just didn't always love myself."

Molly smiled approvingly at him, and this time she patted Sirius's leg and nodded to him. She stood again and headed towards the stove where several pots were boiling herbs that made the entire kitchen smell pleasantly of sandalwood and rosemary.

Sirius offered Remus a piece of stale chocolate he'd fished from the man's robes. It seemed Remus was never with out a piece of chocolate in his shaggy old clothes somewhere. Sirius took the first bite and offered the second to Remus, who took it gingerly and with some effort. Sirius had held Remus just like this after a dozen or more full moons, and fed him chocolate just the same way while he waited for Remus to regain his strength after gallivanting about as a wild wolf-man. Though they'd never had an audience before, much less an audience to hear a dark confession of love from childhood, and an admission of homosexuality from Sirius Black.

"Well I guess now I know what I have to do to get you to hold me in public, huh Sirius?" Remus joked, and coughed slightly around his snickering laughter.

"You keep talking like that and I'm going to let you sit here on this hard floor by yourself. Chairs are more comfortable and my butt is starting to hurt." He shifted his weight every slightly to help make his point, his arms never loosened their hold on Remus's body. "Besides, you're not funny."

"I am so." Remus protested.

"Are not."

"Are so!"

"Boys! If you keep bickering like that I'm sending you both to your rooms with no supper. Now, Sirius, Remus needs his rest. Quit arguing with him. And Remus if you insist on flapping your mouth do so with some food in it I've got fresh rolls and some meats here for you." Molly said from her corner of the kitchen, one hand on her hip as she glanced away from her self-stirring pots on the stove for a moment.

"He needs chocolate." Sirius said softly in protest, not so loud as that it might entice more tongue-lashings from Molly. He offered another piece to Remus who took the bite and chewed quietly.

"Don't leave, Sirius." Remus said after a quiet moment. He lifted his chin and tried to angle his head to catch even the slightest glimpse of Sirius's face. He wondered if the man was still crying silent tears, no one had said anything about them, and likely no one ever would.

"I'll never leave, Remus. I promise." Sirius kissed his temple again, brushing back some of the wild brown and gray hair.

**The End.**


End file.
